I want to walk on stilts...naked
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
