Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
