every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
