My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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