You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
