I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
