I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
