Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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