Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
