I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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