JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
