is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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