One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
