you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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