fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
