I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
