Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
