Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
