weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
