I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
