somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize