I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
