I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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