hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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