I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
