your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Be still, my beating vagina.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
