Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
