it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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