do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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