last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I want a musical about memes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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