Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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