If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
