Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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