I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
