The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
