Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i love accidental penises.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
