Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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