One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
