I want to make a zoo with you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
