Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize