Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
