ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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