her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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