I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
