I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
