her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
