What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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