Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
