we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
a search helicopter?!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
