I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
