mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
