**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
