I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We had sex on a dog bed..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
