I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
