Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
