Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
