Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
