I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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