I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
