I need help removing her.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
