if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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