I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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