I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
