I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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