Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
