Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
