We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
