The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
