kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
