i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dick very happy bro
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
